E-couragement: Engaging Leaders and the Need to Judge
“When you judge another, you do not define them. Rather you define yourself as someone who needs to judge.” Wayne Dyer
We were headed through security at the Liberia, Costa Rica airport when I noticed it. My seat assignment had been upgraded to first class. Typically, that causes a sense of gratitude to pulse through me. Not this time. We were headed home from our twelfth-annual “dad-daughter” adventure and I wanted to sit in coach with my girls. My plan was simple: scurry to our gate and have my seat reassigned—providing someone else with the coveted upgrade.
I arrived at our gate check-in desk and immediately noticed the woman next to me. She was abrupt and curt. My co-passenger was complaining about her seat and rudely lobbying for a better selection. While she waited on her answer, I shared my desire to downgrade. After a strange look from the agent, I explained, “I’m flying with my daughters, I choose them over first class.” A smile flashed across his face followed by, “Aaaa, ci señor. No problem.”
The employee did an honorable job of serving me and pacifying her. In the end, the woman stomped back to the seating area, securing her place next to my daughters. After completing my paper work, I also returned to the waiting area. At the first opportunity, I whispered to my daughters about her deplorable behavior. They agreed with my conclusion after hearing her complain to her husband close by. I told them how glad I was that we don’t act like her.
Upon boarding the plane, we sat across the aisle from angry woman and her worn out husband. I snuck a quick glance of disapproval to my daughters. Then it happened. Before even buckling my seat belt, she leaned toward me and said, “I heard you give up your 1st class seat in order to sit next to your daughters, that’s really nice…would you like to have my 2 free drink tickets? Here, take them.” My daughters observed the entire exchange. I replied, “Certainly. Thank you very much.” Touché, I had been schooled. The teacher had become the student.
The lesson was clear – I had exalted myself onto the throne of judgment. It takes no skill to rule from there. It does take skill, discipline, and self-awareness to avoid that trap. Just like my daughters look to me for an example of how to act and/or react to the world around us, your followers do the same. Be sure to show them how engaging leaders resist the need to judge others. Instead, show them what thoughtfulness and compassion look like. That model will serve both you and them better.
Leave your comments: As an engaging leader (or engaging person) how might letting go of judgment serve you better?