E-couragement: You Can Slow It Down...

“The most basic of all human needs is to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” Ralph Nichols I took a bite of my lunch and listened intently to Tom Stevens, who was sitting across from me; it’s easy to pay attention to Tom. He spent years as a counselor before becoming a consultant, speaker, and presiding Mayor of Hillsborough, NC. His credentials are impressive, yet, for this occasion, his most important title was widower. Tom’s wife had died of cancer over 20 years ago. He reached out to me in an email one week after the death of my wife, Ivy. Meeting with him turned out to be the right decision as Tom said something that was nothing short of profound.

Driving to our lunch appointment I felt certain Tom could impart wisdom and help me through the most difficult experience in my life. I shared what I’d been doing since Ivy’s death—grief counseling, working out with my trainer, eating healthy, meeting for conversations with supportive friends, meditating, and visiting my massage therapist. Then, looking at Tom I sighed, “I know nothing I do will speed up this healing process.” After a slight pause Tom said, “Rich, you’re right. You can’t speed it up. You can slow it down.” A gap of silence loomed over that statement. I repeated it out loud, “I can’t speed it up…I can slow it down. That’s profound!” 

That brief interaction with Tom completely shifted my thinking. In order to navigate this process I’d focus on not slowing it down. I pondered all the ways to slow down the healing powers of grief. I could run from it, deny it, ignore it, busy myself and become distracted, drown it, etc. It seems the only way to not slow it down is to experience it. To show up each day and feel it. As the Buddha might say, sit with it and make friends with it allowing grief to do its work within me.

Let’s consider how this concept relates to other areas of life. Certain life responses will slow down our own growth and development process. We might find ourselves running from or denying a dream of unleashing a specific talent or ability. Sometimes we may ignore the affirmation of trusted friends who see untapped potential inside of us. We can choose to be so busy that we distract ourselves from the intuitive and guiding voice within. Like the grief process, your ability to live and work intentionally can be slowed down. Be present, available, and fully engaged with your life journey and let it have its way with you.

How are you preventing “slow down’s” in your personal/ professional life? Leave your comments.