E-couragment: Pay Attention

“Everything comes to you as a teacher. Pay attention. Learn quickly.” Cheri Huber, That Which You Are Seeking Is Causing You To Seek Reclining under the warm sun, 700 miles from a frigid North Carolina cold front, I was reading Pema Chödrön’s Start Where You Are. Since this was to be a brief get away in the Florida Keys, I’d packed only this one book to take along on our yearly winter adventure. With SPF 100 sunscreen lathered upon my nose and forehead I came across an intriguing idea about change. Here’s what I read:

If there’s some sense of wanting to change yourself, then it comes from a place of feeling that you’re not good enough. It comes from aggression toward yourself, dislike of your present mind, speech, or body; there’s something about yourself that you feel is not good enough.

Chödrön’s words struck me. Withdrawing my trusty highlighter, I marked the sentences as meaningful and worthy of future reflection.

A short time later my youngest daughter, wondering aloud about her desire to be free of facial imperfections, said, “Dad, is it too much to ask to be rid of ugly acne marks on my face? I can’t wait for the day when I’m free of these horrible blemishes!” Pondering an answer, Chödrön’s thoughts came flooding back to me. Carley had a desire to change based on a current dislike with herself. She didn’t feel good enough.

When similar messages come to me multiple times, like Chödrön’s thoughts and Carley’s comments, I’ve learned to pay attention. It’s a sure sign to pause, reflect, and wonder what lesson does this teaching have for me? These two experiences are causing me to modify the way I guide myself, and my clients, through change in 2011. Although change is as necessary as breathing, it doesn’t have to evolve out of a place of dissatisfaction or dislike with your current state. Change does not have to emerge from a feeling of not being or doing enough.

It’s feasible to be fulfilled exactly where you are and simultaneously have a clear and compelling vision for change, growth, and transformation. Ideally, there’s a balance between your present and your future—a “ying-yang” effect or a paradoxical equilibrium. Can Carley appreciate and value her present beauty while concurrently welcoming the day of clear skin? It’s possible. Perhaps not what we typically model or teach—nevertheless, it’s possible.

Here’s a holiday wish for my clients and readers: Pay attention to the learning opportunities that come your way in 2011. They’ll arrive just as they should—right on time and perfectly aligned with what you need to grow. Take time to pause and reflect on how the teaching is useful for you, then allow it to help you change—all the while being perfectly content with who and where you are. Peace.