E-couragement: Shootin' from the Hip

“Too many people have chosen to say terrible things to others under the banner of ‘telling the truth.’ This is not honesty but cruelty and thinly veiled vengeance. Honesty promises to remain tender and kind, full of hope and desire for the other person’s growth.” Dan Allender Leading With A Limp I used to admire those people—the ones who appear so confident and bold when they speak. They say things like, “Hey, I just tell it like it is. I speak my mind. Me, I shoot from the hip! People always know where I stand.” I yearned for the courage to speak with such strength and conviction…strutting down the hall like John Wayne. Shootin’ from the hip.

I don’t feel that way anymore. I know better now. I’ve seen managers hold their direct reports hostage with harsh, cutting words. I’ve experienced leaders who use their aggression to “scare” the creativity and ingenuity out of people who were once highly productive. The practice of “telling it like it is” or “shooting from the hip” can wound people; resulting in a trail of bruised bodies and souls. If people hide in their offices, under their desks, or in the bathroom when you are near, it could be a sign that you have become a verbal terrorist. This hostile, fault-finding communication style isn’t part of a confident engaging leader. It stems from a lack of self-confidence, merely manifesting itself in an aggressive manner.

Here’s something I’ve learned about successful communication—less is more. Listening is more effective than speaking. Sometimes, what I don’t say is much more important than what I do say. It is physically and mentally more challenging to hold words back than it is to let them fly. Ultimately, limiting or editing my words takes more skill and maturity than saying the first things that come to mind.

St. Francis of Assisi said, “Preach the Gospel every day. Use words only when necessary.” What if, before speaking we asked ourselves, “What do I really need to say here? What do I want to accomplish? How can I get the results I’m after and still keep this relationship intact?” And the most important question of all: “Is what I am getting ready to say ‘my issue’ or the other person’s?” After you have resolved these questions, then and only then, consider using words.

If your words deflate, discourage, or harm people, change them. Engaging leaders use language to encourage others. People leave interactions with these leaders feeling brave, powerful, and confident. You can be in the business of providing hope and inspiration—changing lives for the better. When you find it necessary to speak, dare to choose your words carefully and use them for the power of good. It is your choice.

Leave your comments: How have the words of others impacted your life? In what ways have you learned to communicate more effectively?