The Other Type of Listening

“As ironic as it may sound, we’re far more inspiring to others when we’re willing to listen than when we’re giving them advice.”  Wayne DyerIt was mid-morning during a client development workshop when the comment was made. I’d heard the statement before. In this particular moment it resonated with me in a different way. The participant stated, “The most effective type of listening is active.” 

The feeling in me was palpable. I wondered, what other type of listening is there?

You're either actively listening or you’re not.

Listening is tough. It requires your physical, emotional, and intellectual presence. It can wear you out.

Listening is rare. Perhaps you’ve fallen into one of the two traps of counterfeit listening:

• Distracted—excessive relationships with phones, tablets, and computers.

-or-

• Pretending—inability to quiet the voices in your own head and resist the temptation to fixate on what you might say next.

Active listening requires you to “pay attention.” “Pay” implies value. There’s a huge cost to listening.

Look in your checking account. See the balance? Hopefully you see a surplus after all your expenditures. Now, look at your calendar. The balance is zero. No time. No space. No margin. When you give someone money, you give out of that surplus. Since listening requires time and attention, you’re going into overdraft mode.

With the holiday season approaching, will you give the gift of listening? Simply hear someone. Resist judgment. Seek to understand. Pay attention. They will be deeply indebted for your willingness to give from your deficit (time) rather than your excess (money). 

Active is the only type of listening. Everything else is counterfeit.

Who will you listen to today?