E-couragement: Changed

“If the point of life is the same as the point of a story, the point of life is character transformation.” Donald Miller One skill I work on with presenters is how to handle challenging questions from the audience. So, it’s perplexing that a seemingly simple question has so often stumped me this past year. Since my wife’s death, it’s the question I’m most often asked. It’s never asked with malice—rather delivered with genuine care and concern. Yet I hesitate…stumble over my words, furrow my brow, ramble with lack of clarity, and generally feel uncomfortable with how to answer. Recent reading has helped me get a grip on what my real answer to this question should be.

The most challenging question since Ivy’s death has been, “How are you doing?” See, I told you this was puzzling. I’ve felt unusually disconnected between the response I’ve given and my true feelings. Perhaps part of the dilemma is how my internal ego voice tends to monitor and edit my response. It likes to interrupt my authentic voice with comments like, “What do you think they want to hear? Be sure you don’t make them feel uncomfortable.”

As a result, I’d often reply, “I’m starting to feel like my old self again.” In reality, this answer is a lie. Not an intentional lie, simply a lack of internal awareness and how to properly articulate it. You see, although I am feeling better, I’m not back to my old self. I can’t go back to being my old self—that’s impossible. From here on out, I’ll have a new answer to the question, “How are you doing?” One that is more accurate and authentic. “I’m changed.”

Tragedy, adventure, joy, and grief, are never intended to lead us back to our old self. Our life experiences have a greater objective—to radically change us and move us toward who we’re intended to be. Similar to the literature we love and the movies we pay a premium to watch, life is about character transformation. Our life story allows us to face our fears, overcome challenges, and forge internal qualities necessary to leave our legacy. Here’s to never going back—to moving forward—to personal change.

Leave your comments: How has a life experience helped change you?