E-couragment: Selfish or Selfless?
July 2007 “We change the world not by what we say or do, but as a consequence of what we have become.” -- Dr. David Hawkins
In May I was out for a cycling workout. Enjoying my ride throughout the country roads in Greensboro, I came upon a church with a sign posted along the road front. Its tag line read, “Loving God, Loving Others.” Great concept. Yet, something very important was missing…and it made me mad. The scripture quoted on the sign comes from an incident in the Bible in which Jesus is asked, “Of all Ten Commandments, which is the most important?” He answers, “Love God with all your heart, soul, and mind. Then, love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments, everything else will rest.” Did you notice the part missing from the church marquee?
Why are we so quick to spout off, “Love God, love your neighbor,” yet so inhibited to proclaim, “Oh, yeah, love yourself too.” What is it about our culture that we struggle with the concept of loving ourselves? A Course In Miracles states, “Who can bestow upon another what he does not have? And who can share what he denies himself?” In other words, “we can’t give what we don’t have.” Unfortunately, we usually don’t get it. Our early childhood programming seems fixated on demanding that we do not love ourselves or hold ourselves at such high value. You see, Jesus got it. You can only love others deeply when you first love yourself deeply.
You and I probably heard many of the same messages growing up. We were directed to be selfless not selfish. To be selfish is an unpardonable sin. I was thinking about the word selfless the other day. Self—less. Less of self. How does “less of myself” benefit others? I’ve tried that before. I’ve put myself last on the “totem pole.” Lost track of who I was in my quest to only serve others. Over time I found that I had nothing left to offer God, others or myself. Do my fiancé; my daughters, my business partner, my friends and clients all really deserve less of me? Well, if that is what I believe, then that is what they get. My ability to love, listen, forgive, support, believe in and encourage others is directly proportional to my willingness to love, listen to, forgive, support, believe in, and encourage myself. I have decided that more of me is better for everyone. I have begun to take Jesus’ words more to heart and to truly love myself so that I can give God and others more of what they deserve from me.
Below are five suggestions with regard to loving yourself. Feel free to add your own ideas. The purpose is to reclaim self-value and maybe even feel good about doing something “selfish” (remember, this is no longer a “bad” word):
1. Spend time in silence: Carve out some time for yourself away from noise and distractions. It may be uncomfortable at first, but you’ll be amazed at the benefits you’ll reap. 2. Take moments to journal: Your words and thoughts are important and valuable. Don’t worry about spelling or grammar. Just allow yourself a few minutes every day or so to reflect on life lessons and any thoughts and feelings you are experiencing. 3. Cultivate deeper friendships: Make time to meet with friends regularly to chat openly. I have regularly scheduled meetings for lunch, breakfast, or coffee with several friends each month. We spend the time sharing our journeys and celebrating, encouraging, and supporting each other. Often, it is the highlight of my day. 4. Rekindle an old hobby: Think of an activity that you once really enjoyed. Allow yourself the privilege to make it a part of your life again. 5. Focus on your health and wellness: Your personal health and well-being are priceless. Enough said.
Here’s the secret to loving God and others more fully. Begin by loving yourself. It’s never too late and there is no other way.